Let's count from 16.

I sit and stare somewhat helplessly at the mess gathered around me. Then it dawns upon me: "ONLY 16 MORE DAYS". My bags are far from packed and I seem not to know where to put everything. There are still so many clothes, so many products that I would be using, that I can't do without, yet without them, I am unable to forge one step closer to my goal- a more completely packed bag. I've not yet worked out the budget of this trip and my draft has been accidentally deleted. Everything is...UNFINISHED. Cold feet? perhaps i am experiencing it just a little. Insurance not bought, $$ matters not planned, travel plans- not concrete. It's as though i am heading straight on to disaster. Cold feet? FREEZING cold.

As Marathons go...

I perform best when itz a movie marathon. Personal record stands at 20 hours. No breaks cept for to the toilet, dinner, breakfast, and a 1/2 break for the welfare of the disc player.

Anyway, have a fantastic idea that sort of contradicts the previous post about anti bumming. MOVIE MARATHON w a THEME. and here are the movies : Young & Dangerous 1,2,3,4,5,6. How about it? I have the first 2... we rent/buy the rest. Interested parties please make ur existence known to me ok?? Anyone making their way into JB please tell me also ok? I don't mind owning cheap copies of these films! I swear these films are iconic of HK gangster movies.

Alternatively, we could have a Edward Norton Special; Johnny Depp Special, Jude Law Special. lol.

the end of an era

Yesterday's BBQ brought straight home a point: The days of slacking and bumming has drawn to a close. Priorities have appropriately changed to schoolwork, time is being rationed and opportunity costs of staying out late has reached its premium. There is no longer a strong desire to spend the night talking about life in general while LIFE sneaks by you. I felt torn between my desires- 1) to stay and talk, enjoy the seabreeze and the company of friends who were staying for just a while longer. 2) to go home and sleep, allowing my Sat not to go to waste. Practicality stepped in- I no longer feel happy about sleeping my mornings away and I had no ride home. So I left. While I totally believe that it is time to move on, pull up our socks and DO something about our lives, I can't help but feel really QUITE SAD that this period in my life has come to past. Although we didn't go anywhere this hols, this was one hols where I really BONDED with people, where there was time to sit down and just let life pass, all the while simply observing it, where nothingness was ok, where restrictions were relatively little and time was in abundance. Alas, term has began, school work is piling for those in sch, and I have limited time to plan for California. Somehow, I sense from now on, things will never be the same. The curtains for this Act, has finally gone down.

Cheats... Why Can't I beat them to their game?

I've been wanting to blog for weeks. yet somehow, an entry never materialises. It seems as though putting my thoughts into words has become such a difficult process. I end up giving up on the idea of jotting down my present state of mind and emotions. However, TODAY, I've been given a strong enough incentive, and enough free time to blog about something that has IRKED me considerably.

Today, i was cheated by a fishmonger. actually, I was cheated by MORE than one fish monger. first the stingray, then they wanted to cheat me with their sotong which was supposedly 'SPECIAL'. Anyway, long story: bottomline coz Anne looked like she wld b easily cheated, intimidated, conned, she was CHEATED.*BLACK BLACK FACE*

Shit. why can't i have this perpetual all knowing face? NOOoo.... Anne has a ... omg she looks like we can CON her look. and then all cheaters come on board and try their luck. and the worst thing is.... MOST OF THEM SUCCEED. basket. I got conned when i bought rambutans, contact lenses (almost! good thing I knew better), FISH. Today, i had to reevaluate how i thought about myself, and to my utter horror, I faced this truth: Anne is timid. n guess what my mom said... ' u cannot handle those pple in Chinatown one... they dun cut ur throat they cut whose?' sigh thanks for the vote of confidence...

HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE IN USA?? well for one, i can just speak EL there. I mean, i have to admit. my mandarin sucks to the core. I can't converse effectively with the aunties and uncles of the world ( at least with the ones who try to cheat me!) Masochistically, i cld just allow myself to b cheated.=(( why risk a big fight right? lol. doesn't sit well with me... but as always. safety first.

whatever the case, I am going to have a kickass bbq later. I am going to enjoy myself with a vengence that knows no bounds to make my stupid chinatown trip worth the while. I hate wet markets.

Feel bone-tired. started the day at the ungodly time of 7.20 am where BHS called me to relief teach. Babysitting today was a NIGHTMARE. I don't have it in me to be hard on kids and they know it. and they take advantage of this. grrrrrrrrr. Have to work on my fierce look.

Anyway. had a really enjoyable time with Dot n yun today! Shopped. Ate. Shopped. Ate. Ate. THis is some kinda routine that we have been sticking to for the past months... not good at all... but enjoyable all the same! Talked, joked, walked ard far east. WQ joined us for dinner and desserts and the conversation just flowed. today of all days... it seemed as though we talked more compared to so many other times we went out... the mood was right.

Have concluded that I've entered an entirely new level in bumming ... and it will not do! THere is genuine fear building inside of me- That this might become a permanent fixture in my life and that one day, I will look back and find that my life has just passed me by. I need to do something about it.

LT get well soon. I know u wun b reading this till u are actually well again, but We missed u tonight=)